I’m back for a red hot minute!!!
I have been so busy lately and I am sorry for not keeping in touch, but a girl gets excited when her manifestations start taking off! It has been a world wind lately. I finally got off the road for a minute and to be completely honest all I wanted to do was sleep and eat King Cake…so I did! LOL! What a blast! I never knew my bed could be so much of a friend…but it is!!!
I am so bless that I have sewn the seeds of my abundance, it has given me so much freedom in my life. Most of you don’t know it but I work as a PA (Public Adjuster). I help homeowners & business owners when they need help with their insurance claims. It is a wonderful profession and if you like helping people it is an awesome way to help people and make a decent living.
Well the busy season is here and my promise to you is to write at least one blog a week and to do my reading on Sunday.
Today is a rainy day and I find myself in my favorite place…writing.
Now a days I am in the an awesome place and I have more love, light and abundance that I can shake a stick at. I am grateful for it all! Sometime though you have to remember where you come from in order to appreciate all that you have…mentally, financially, spiritually. It is all about living a well balanced life so, if you don’t mind I will share my testimony. Remember that we all have a story to tell and sometimes they aren’t all pretty…but they need to be told!
Here is some of mine.
I haven’t always been the bright cheery girl that you know today. It was a journey that brought me here. I have lived, as we all do, with contrast that has molded me and brought me through valleys and plateaus.
Not so long ago my life was a complete mess and I was lost…completely lost with no hope in this world. I sank into a depression that wouldn’t allow me to breathe so I drank myself into oblivion. I didn’t want to feel…anything and felt like a complete failure in life.
So at the ripe old age of 44 and living with nothing and no one. I lived with the fear and wouldn’t allow light into my life. Everything was a war…that raged from the inside and was reflected back to me on the outside. I felt absolute guilt from things that happened in my life 30 years before and I bathed in that guilt and said to myself, “This is all you deserve”. Unfortunately I believed that. I feared everything and everyone. I was the queen of my own self sabotage!
So here’s a bit of my story and then I will skip to today…
When I was young…I had this amazing gift of sight. They call it Clairvoyance, but I called it Daydreams. I would see little things, flashes if you will of the future. Some were totally awesome and some not so much. The last vision or daydream that I had came to me in April of 1975. It was horrifying and scarred the hell out of me because it was about my beloved baby brother Danny.
Danny was the most awesome spirit I had ever known in my short 14 years on this planet. He was amazing and so accomplished in the short time he was here. I remember at the age of 2 he could ride a banana seat Schwinn. We had to hold it up for him to get it going and he was too short to sit on the seat and touch the pedals, but that didn’t stop him. That little boy rode it perfectly on the first try. It was funny to watch him…he had no idea what gravity was. He just did it! He could do anything he wanted to do and lived his life with NO FEAR! He tried to do everything and was always in a rush to try something new. He was in a hurry to live his life, like he knew some secret that no one else knew.
I remember once, my dad came home and Danny was running around the house naked as a jaybird and wearing nothing but a smile. Daddy said to him, “Get your ass in the bath!” We were all in the living room and Danny answered him. He said, “Fuck you old man” and took off out the front door. LOL We all stood there with mouths gaping wide open in total shock!!!! Danny was 4 at the time. OMG was Daddy pissed!
He told me to get his ass back in the house and I ran after him. To be honest, I was proud of him and his tenacity. I laughed the whole time I was chasing him down and watching him as his little dingle berries were flapping in the wind. FREEDOM! It was hard for me to catch him because I was laughing so hard I almost pee’d my pants.
Finally when I caught him, I told him that you know you have to go back. He leaned down and picked some yellow dandelions and said that he would give those to Daddy to make up and believe it or not they worked. He always had a knowing about things. He was an old soul!!!
So back to my “Day Dream”…I remember sitting in the back of the car and we were going to Granny’s house. I always loved sitting in the back, because no one else liked riding backwards.
It was strange because it took me in like no other daydream before and completely detailed. I could see my sister (3) her girlfriend Debbie (3) & Danny…he was 5. We were all so happy and excited because we had this big bag of candy. We were walking out the door of the store and I could see the parking lot. I had this brown paper bag full of candy and other items and three kids with me. I had the girls hold hands and I told Danny to stay by my side. He was the oldest so I thought he would listen.
As we approached the road I said to the kids, “When I say go, we will run across the road…Okay?” I looked at the girls to my left and then in a flash Danny took off. A car was coming and I couldn’t grab him fast enough and he was hit.
This was my Day Dream. I told my mom, but she told me to stop imagining things that nothing is going to happen to Danny. One month later he died in the exact same manner.
I remember trying to grab him, but it was as if an energy force was stopping me from moving…everything was in slow motion. Danny tumbled through the air like a rag doll. I remember ever time his head hit the pavement. He flew at least 100 feet tumbling and tumbling and I let out a warrior scream that I know could be heard for miles.
In that moment, I knocked the girls back and commanded them to stay there as I began to run to Danny. I could see the clerk from the store come out and grab the girls. All of a sudden, I ran but my feet never touched the ground. It was as if the Angel that stopped me from saving Danny was flying me to his side. People across the street that saw it happen told me later that they never saw me move. I was with the girls one moment and with my brother the next. They called it teleporting…but I knew it was the angel.
When I reached my baby brother, I gently turned him over and cradled his head. I could feel that it was crushed. He opened his eyes for just one moment and said,” I love you…Goodbye”.
Then war cry number 2 and I was screaming for help! HELP ME!!!!! HELP ME!!!! HELP MY BROTHER!!! HE’S HURT BAD HELP ME!!!
I whispered to him, Danny don’t go! Don’t go baby don’t go!!! I love you baby…don’t leave me!!!
There is so much more to this story. Especially the part about how I blamed myself for not grabbing him and looking to the right instead of the left first. But it happened…exactly how it was suppose to and for 30 years I carried that guilt inside of myself and used it as a knife to cut myself.
Needless to say that he is now one of my Guardian Angels. I sentenced myself to a 30 year sentence and I served it. That was my choice. Today I make better choices. Starting with forgiving myself and releasing it!
This was exactly how Danny’s contract with the Universe was and he knew it. It was simply his time and I am blessed to have such an awesome brother that loved me then and loves me in this very moment! He is always with me and loves me with passion. He knew that his time was short and live it with passion.
He has been my best teacher. He was mindful about everything he wanted and lived in the moment. Now I do too!!!
So when I say to you, “Live your life like it matters.” Fucking Do It! You don’t know what’s around the corner and you don’t know how much life you or your loved ones will be with you!
Live your life with mindfulness. So many times we just drift off and go somewhere else into the future or the past. Life is what is!!! Right here, right now-Tuned in, taped in and turned on and you have nothing but this moment…so be in it! It matters!!!
Check yourself often! Mindfulness is a practice. Are you sitting with the kids and acting like you are listening but in reality you are checking the score to the game on your phone. Stop that right now!!!! As long as you are breathing there is more right with you than wrong with you and this moment is precious! You’ll never have it again.
Zero is the clean canvas from which you create your master piece.
So start painting my many Picassos
In dedication to a life well lived…I love you Danny…my best teacher yet. He left this world with the body of a 5 years and the spirit of an Ascended Master ❤
With Much Love & Absolute Compassion